Luck Be a Lady? Think Again!

Gosh, men. They seem to have it all, don’t they? The higher wages, the ability to objectify women with no repercussions and the general holding of power in the world. Just your basic male stuff. I don’t blame some of them for not being number one fans of the feminist movement. I too would be wary of something that could dismantle and take away all the precious things that only I can have, in a system that benefits me. Men have all the luck!

Spitting.

I, myself, have never done this bar spitting my toothpaste out when I brush my teeth, but there must be something attractive/useful/generally worthwhile about excreting your saliva onto the streets while walking. While I have never, ever, felt the need to drain my mouth onto a street filled with people, or at a quiet tram stop where we can hear you gather your ammunition and hear it hit the tarmac, I put it down to genetics. And luck. Spitting only enhances their much sought after masculinity, and spitting would do nothing for women. It’s not very ladylike. Maybe it’s actually very satisfying, but I wouldn’t know. I’m just a woman.

Orgasms.

Every time. Luckily for them, the main understanding of sex is sex = male ejaculation. Sex doesn’t count unless there is a male orgasm, and sex isn’t over until the sweaty man grunts. And in some cases, sex without a penis doesn’t even count! The female orgasm is portrayed as this mystical, rare and hard to achieve thing. Rightly so, sure what’s even the point of it? I say we get rid of female pleasure altogether and just focus on the D. It’s the real star of the show. How special men and their penises (peni?) must feel, being the centre of attention!

Voicing opinions.

I’ve seen this particularly with regards to the Repeal the 8th campaign here in Ireland. Women, for some reason or another, seem to have gotten it into their head they deserve bodily autonomy? (We must be on our periods!). Whatever the reason, we are actively campaigning for the 8th amendment to be repealed, and in doing so highlighting the difference between how men and women’s opinions are viewed and valued. Asking for respect, trust and dignity from our country and government has labelled us “shrill”, harsh, uneducated and just plain wrong. Men have the privilege and pleasure to voice, and implement their opinions without regard to others and how they may be perceived. Take our friend Trump, for example. Only he can get away with exiling and banning people looking for safety without being labelled “emotional” and “shrill”.

Wearing what you want.

Only us poor women are burdened with the fact that what we wear will actively have an effect on what happens to us. Short skirts and tight dresses are the real problems of the world. I’m still not 100% sure why we place the blame on men when it’s quite obviously the clothing’s fault? But to make up for the fact that 97% of perpetrators of sexual violence in Ireland in 2013 were male, they get to dress however they want, without fear for their safety.

The fear factor.

#NotAllMen … Buuuuut most men. In fact probably all men possess this power. This special and frankly, undesirable power, to truly scare someone (read: woman) purely by walking behind them. No matter how big or strong or muscly I get, I will never be able to instill the same fear a woman gets when a man walks behind her.

I will never have the power to make them wait an extra fifteen minutes at the bus stop, because that bus will give them a shorter walk home.

Men will never fear me so much that they hold their bag in a certain way so they will be able to fight back. They will never calculate the quickest and nearest escape route while walking home, because of me.

They will never be required to call a female companion to accompany them, for protection. They can walk home with their headphones on, without fear that someone will take advantage of their momentary distraction.

They will never feel the need to change how they act, how they dress and their mind about coming home with me for fear that I won’t take no for an answer.

But, y’know, #NotAllMen.

These are just some things in the world that are only for men. If you look around, you will see more and more behaviour that only men can get away with, those lucky ducks. Imagine being so important and powerful that people overlook any and every harmful, violent and sexist action you do, because boys will be boys. It’s the dream, eh?

*rolls eyes*

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